My Bill Limit

I am trying not to use real names here but I figure there are enough Bills in this town to make this pretty ambiguous. But there aren’t that many Bills in this town that would urinate on random girl’s kitchen floors. Regardless, he is the one that did this...not me...here’s the story:

On Halloween I went to a house party and then to my favorite bar with my good friend who is currently jobless. I was an Asian-type character and she as a cross between a zebra and a judge (you figure it out!).

By about 11pm I already had met Bill. He approached me a few times in the bar and wanted to chit chat. He was alone and dressed as something weird (not even sure to this day). He was a wild boy and full of energy. After a few beers I decided he wasn’t that bad. Besides, everyone seems a little weird on Halloween. I gave him an apple which he choked on.

I decided I really like him.

I saw him the next day. We met for coffee at a little coffee shop and we got to know each other better. He warns me that “I am a little wild in all aspects of my being” and he has some issues with boundaries. Wasn’t sure how to take that…but….

I decided I still like him.

Our next “date” was election night. I had a party full of Obama supporters but Bill showed up in his red shirt and McCain sticker. He is a republican.

I decided I might still like him.

Two nights later he came over and we watched an episode of ER. He massaged my feet and said “You know…I spend all summer long hiking in boots and working in the forests and my even my feet are softer that yours.”

I decided I probably would still like him and I needed a pedicure.

On our final date he “took” me to my favorite bar. We got a pitcher and a plate of green beens. I thought this was dinner. Nonetheless, he confessed to me that he has had a prior history of drug abuse and that he has sobered up. Dammit. I always always try and give people the benefit of the doubt so I put that comment in my "deal with later" file.

The next night he went to a party with his friends and I went out with my friends. The following morning he called me:

“How was your party Bill?”

“Uhhh…I kinda got really drunk.”

“Oh yea?”

“Yea…let’s just say this. I woke up on this girl’s kitchen floor and there was broken glass everywhere. I peed my pants too”

And that, kids, was my Bill limit. Right there.